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Families in Diaspora and Culture

2 Comments / Intercultural Counselling /

As international families or diaspora families, one of the aspects people tend to struggle with is in the area of culture. Some people struggle with culture consciously while others are not conscious of the fact that what they are actually dealing with is embedded in culture(s). People in diaspora are sometimes oblivious of the fact that they are exposed to multiple cultures when they are outside their immediate cultural setting. The challenge arises from unconscious comparison between their culture of origin and the culture they have found themselves. This could also include other cultures they have been exposed to in various ways. They begin to compare, sometimes unconsciously, their original culture with the culture in which they find themselves. As a result of these interactions, a sub culture or another culture begins to evolve. All of these lead to more confusion, the need to understand and cope with the new culture. So, there we have the challenge of adjusting to a new culture, accepting the differences in cultures, understanding the culture change in relation to their initial culture or many other cultures they may have come in contact with and have rubbed off on them. Culture seems to be very important to people in diaspora.

What is culture?

The Cambridge English dictionary defines it as the way of life, especially the general customs and beliefs of a particular group of people at a particular time’[i] while the live science dictionary defines it as ,‘The characteristics and knowledge of a particular group of people, defined by everything from language, religion, cuisine, social habits, music and arts.’[ii]

I am of the view that there are varied meanings of culture which is indicated in most of the dictionaries. I think culture sums up everything we do as humans. It refers to ‘learned human behaviour patterns’ which may include belief, knowledge, morals, dress, custom and other capabilities and habits that the individual or community may have acquired over time. These values and elements are passed on from one generation to the other mostly informally.’[iii] Culture, therefore, sums up the person and the interaction between the person, their relationships and their environment. When people find themselves outside their immediate setting, this becomes a major factor that they have to deal with. In the process of trying to handle all that come their way, they forget that a crucial aspect of that is the multiple cultures that they are surrounded with and how to process that. As we journey along on this forum as families in diaspora, we will seek to discuss and address these issues. We will seek to understand and interact with the pleasures and challenges of culture. Join the train with your comments and experiences. 

[i]

[ii] Kim Ann Zimmermann, Live Science Contributor, February 19, 2015 08:29pm http://www.livescience.com/21478-what-is-culture-definition-of-culture.html

[iii] Daramola, Ibidun B. (2016), Pastoral Counselling in Africa Westbow Publishing

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Learning from Experiences

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There are treasures that are common to people in diaspora. One of such treasures is an experience. For many people who live outside their country or community of origin, they grow to learn about other places and people in unique ways when they are out of their immediate environment. Some of those experiences are good while others could be really bad. Those experiences also depend on our expectations as we move from one place to the other. We will get to talk about how cultures influence our experiences later. However, in the immediate, as we seek to discuss diaspora in general, it is important that we share some of our experiences. As we do so, we would seek to learn from others as they also learn from us. 

What are experiences?

These are practical contact with and observation of facts, events and occurrences which leave an indelible mark or impression on us. It is because such impressions are registered in our lives or memories that we can recall and discuss them. When they evoke a negative reaction from us, it means that we are yet to heal from their negative impact and move on. But when we can joke about them, and they don’t hurt us anymore, even when they are not very good experiences, that is an indication that we have healed from them, and we have decided to move on.

As we discuss and upload interviews or recording of people’s experience, please feel free to share healthy and enlightening experiences that you have so that we can learn from each other and grow together. Have a laugh and please feel free to comment or encourage someone when you appreciate what has been shared. Feel free as well to identify with what you have read if it resonates with you. Have fun and take care.

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Why Millennials are getting married a little later than the previous generation.

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Introduction

There is a potential problem brewing among millennials related to their getting settled in marriage and procreating. One of the ways of renewing the society and keeping it functional is through reproduction. One expects procreation to take place within a happy environment where the children feel a sense of belonging and security. A conducive family setting also enables individuals and couples to thrive in many ways. That concept of marriage and strong family ties is gradually declining in our society unless something is done about it. When values such as growing a family is on a downward trend, there is a need to raise awareness. While there is a caution of overpopulation in some areas, there are others where underpopulation gives cause for concern. Similarly, there may be an eventual impact in the society which one may not be able to tell presently. Impact such as increase in aging population in an area with less of the younger generation to keep the society as active as expected.

Each generation has its main characteristics. While some attributes are treasured and worth commending, others may give cause for concern. In this blog post, we will examine the reasons millennials seem to take longer than previous generations to settle down and get married. I will offer suggestions and brief research findings as well as some possible reasons for the findings. This post will also provide a link for those millennials who are interested in carrying the conversation forward in a group.

Disclaimer: Singleness is a great gift 

This is not to castigate singles. Singleness is a beautiful thing and a worthy option. It is great to be single if one feels called to it. As a matter of fact, there is a goodness and beauty in being single when the individual knows that it is the best option for them. Singleness is a lifestyle that has its place in the society. For those who have been called to this lifestyle, we celebrate you and encourage you to enjoy it. I have also written an article on singleness and its beauty. If you would love to view that click here.

Millennials and their characteristics 

Millennials, or members of Generation Y (also known as Gen Y) are those born between 1982 and 2000. Millennials have several laudable qualities that distinguish them. They are Tech-savvy which puts them in high demand within the work force. They are team oriented, loyal and committed. They love to be kept in the loop and they seek feedback to improve on what they do making them go getters.
At the same time, they tend to hop from one job to the other. These, and several other qualities that millennials possess, imply that work is a major part of their lives. With such commitments, many do not find time to build their own romantic relationships and families. They can just about find time to socialse with their existing family and friends on a general level. 

What is the problem with this?

The potential problem around millennials settling into married life is that some are not interested in getting married early compared to the generation before them. Others may not be interested in getting married at all. Some others are interested in getting married and settling down but do not seem to find the right partner.

How could we be bold enough to make such assertion? According to Feuerman, women married averagely at 27 and men at 29 in 2018. But compared with the 1960s, the current trend reveals that the marriage age among millennials may drop by 70% in the coming years.  This implies that millennials may be getting married around their 40s.[i]

 In a similar finding PEW Research, argues that millennials are not likely to get married at early age. According to the findings, 57 percent have never been married compared to the generation before them. Based on their findings they opined those millennials would like to get married when they find the right partner.’[ii]

Some of the reasons for the research findings

There are quite a few factors that could throw more light onto the findings. We will be discussing them periodically. 

The change in trends discussed above imply that millennials tend to consider marriage much later in life when other things seem to be in place. It means that in some cases career, the need to be fully settled such as having a desired house, car and other things in life take precedence over the desire to settle down and grow a family. One can also infer that their technological and social skills keep them within the virtual world instead of in the physical, present world where they get to meet and interact with people. This deprives them the opportunity to interact and build traditional friendships that may result in marriage. 

Additionally, the challenges of an increase in divorce rates could be a factor that subtly hinders millennials from actively considering marriage. These, and many more, are factors that we would be discussing in the millennial forum on this platform.

Conclusion

We have hinted at some of the challenges that millennials have briefly in this blog post. We have indicated that millennials are busy with great things which could distract them from other aspects of life.One of these delays is having a family of their own. While this does not speak to all millennials, we invite those interested to a forum for discussion if they wish to carry this discussion forward. If you would like to participate and get to meet other millennials, please complete the form below, click here. Please feel free to engage in this conversation whether you are a millennial or not. 

Millenial Forum – Contact Us!

[i]Marni Feuerman The State of Millennials and Marriage in Everywellmind September 20, 2020, Accesses December 25, 2020

https://www.verywellmind.com/millennials-and-marriage-the-state-of-their-unions-4136853

[ii] Fry R. and Igielnik R How Millennials today compare with their grandparents 50 years ago. Pew Research MARCH 16, 2018 ACESSES DECEMBER 25, 2020

How Millennials today compare with their grandparents 50 years ago

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The attack on marriages

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The home is one of God’s first institutions. It is so important that God ensured he gave principles as to how it should run. Guidelines to couples in their joint relationship and in parenting.  God’s plan was for parents and children to live together in a God-fearing, peaceful, and conducive environment. It is also a setting where humans should grow to fulfil the purpose of God for their lives. However, the truth is that many homes are far from God’s intended plan. Many homes are in turmoil, compounded by the lockdown and the pandemic. Christian homes are not immune to the challenges. If anything, Christian homes receive worse attacks.

 Why is that so? The Christian home is a place where soldiers of the cross are meant to be trained and brought up to confront God’s enemies. Just think about it, if you were an army officer and you knew that the enemy was gearing up for an attack on your military base, would you fold your arms and watch the enemy prepare, equip its fighters and launch an attack? That would be foolishness. Let’s be practical, we can call the devil many things but not a fool or stupid. The enemy of God and by extension, enemy of the Christians, children of God, is wiser than any ordinary human being on earth. As children of God, God gives his own the wisdom, insight, grace, and ability to confront the enemy and deal with his evil plans.

The challenge is that the devil does not come in dark clothes with claws and funny looks that we have been made to believe. The enemy comes in form of discouragement, misunderstanding, lack of communication, unimaginable accusations, emotional affairs, rebellious children and others. These issues start in very subtle ways such that one would not notice that it is the enemy at work unless one is sensitive and discerning. Sometimes, it takes a long while for couples to realize that they are actually under spiritual attacks as they accuse each other or fault each other.

While I do not claim that all the challenges couples face are spiritual in nature, it is important to have the right foundation and to be discerning. The place of human errors, personality traits, individual responsibility and other factors cannot be overlooked. Hence, an all-rounded view of marriage and the challenges couples undergo is important. That is one of the reasons we have set up a support group for couples. This is a forum where couples interact to support each other. They will have a monthly opportunity to meet virtually and discuss topics that are common to all such as communication, individual growth, resolving conflicts, cultural challenges, challenges from mixed marriages, of third parties and many more. 

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